Classic Novels Get Erotic Makeover

In case you’re not yet tired of your favorite classic novels getting twisted into genre mash-ups, the Independent reported earlier today that a British publisher is set to release erotic versions of literary classics.  

The publishing house, burdened with the name “Total-E-Bound,” is an “erotic romance” publisher in London. They will begin their new series, dubbed “Clandestine Classics” on July 30th by releasing erotic eBook versions of “Pride and Prejudice,” “Northanger Abbey,” “Sherlock Holmes,” and “Jane Eyre.”

The news release follows in the wake of the phenomenal success of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” by E L James, which has become the fastest selling book of 2012 in Britain.  That book, which the British press keeps amusingly referring to as “mommy porn,” has launched a surge of interest in erotica.  Publishers are clamoring over each other to swim in its wake.

The proprietor of Total-E-Bound said to the Independent, “We’re not rewriting the classics. We’re keeping the original prose and the author’s voice. We’re not changing any of that.”

“But we want to enhance the novels by adding the ‘missing’ scenes for readers to enjoy.”

Because subtlety and implication are so unsatisfying, we can now read about the “explosive sex” between Jane and Mr. Rochester and “bondage sessions” between Heathcliff and Catherine.